Feelings, and what they "mean"(?)
Alan Watts (one of the recent additions to my soul guide crew) likens life to a dance rather than a journey - the point of living is to just dance, stay in the moment, and immerse ourselves completely in the movements.
Dec 28th 2019 - I slept that night and woke up the next morning with a heavy baggage of loneliness. I was at the pinnacle of singledom (or self-partnership as the remarkable Emma Watson calls it) - with no potential partners, no seeds of crushes waiting to germinate, and absolutely no right-swipe matches. I felt sad, and as much as I'd not like to admit it - I wallowed in self-pity.
I woke up, walked up to the study room trudging this massive luggage, and sought Alan's help. He promptly sent it, through Maria Popova (Note to self: Go read this potent excerpt whenever you feel lost.)
“If the universe is meaningless, so is the statement that it is so… The meaning and purpose of dancing is the dance.” - Alan Watts
Wait a minute. Who classifies feelings and emotions into good ones and bad? Who defines that certain feelings must be avoided, shunned, and looked down upon and that the others should be chased after? Who ascribes meanings to them?
It's not sadness by itself that's harmful to my emotional/mental/physical/spiritual well-being. It's me being sad about feeling sad that sets the vicious cycle running. It's me who comes up with definitions to everything that I feel, categorises them into good and bad (refer to Grey Thinking - another brilliant insight to living well), and devises strategies on how to deal with each.
In short, it's not the feelings themselves, rather it's my internal dictionary and responses to those feelings that are bad or good. It's me!!!
(I know, I know, this epiphany lit up all my chakras at once.)
You take all of your opinions, theories, and notions out, then all you're left with is a feeling. A harmless energy that is just asking to be felt. That is just asking you for a dance, and would leave you once its part is over, just to let the next feeling/energy walk with you into the dance floor.
Yes, of course, I'm feeling lonely - I had just come back from a road trip with two couples who are deeply in love with each other, I had recently gifted my last romantic interest to someone else, and I was at a place (literally and figuratively) where I didn’t think I’d find a potential partner in anyone around soon. It was only natural to feel lonely.
And that just is. Loneliness isn't bad. It isn't good. It just is.
It's my current dance partner, whom I shall respect with no judgement, acknowledge with no resistance, accept with no hesitation, appreciate with no doubts, and share an immersive, wholesome, and soulful dance with. I shall be grateful for their presence and contribution to the bigger dance of my life.
With every move, we get better at dancing with each other. We move with grace and gratitude - like how it's supposed to be. We move like we're one - like how it's supposed to be. We move with the ultimate flow - like how it's supposed to be. And boy, what a dance will that be!
And once my part with them is over, I shall give them a tight hug (probably even a tighter kiss), thank them for the wonderful time, wave them goodbye, and open my arms (and heart) wide, to take the hands of my next dance partner.
And continue swaying and jiving and swinging with them.
And continue creating the best ever dance I can, in the dance floor called life.
"Working rightly, the brain is the highest form of “instinctual wisdom.” Thus it should work like the homing instinct of pigeons and the formation of the fetus in the womb — without verbalizing the process or knowing “how” it does it. The self-conscious brain, like the self-conscious heart, is a disorder, and manifests itself in the acute feeling of separation between “I” and my experience. The brain can only assume its proper behavior when consciousness is doing what it is designed for: not writhing and whirling to get out of present experience, but being effortlessly aware of it." - Alan Watts
